Control
by nesswrites
Summary: Mikasa wasn't too keen on how Levi spoke to Armin and decides to confront him about it.


**Title: Control  
Summary: Takes place after chapter 59. Mikasa wasn't too keen on how Levi spoke to Armin and confronts him on it.  
Pairing: Levi x Mikasa  
Rating: M (although i've had dirtier)**

 **(This is a re-upload. Sorry if you've read it before)**

* * *

It's been hours since it happened. Hours since she held back his hair and watched her frightened, fragile friend vomit out everything and anything he had eaten in the past couple weeks, which was definitely not much. Hours since he wept on her shoulder, gently caressing his familiar face. The face with sleepless lines and broken blood vessels scattered around it. Hours since he'd try to cope, or pretend to cope. They've been friends long enough to know when they were okay or not.

Mikasa let out a breath of wavering air, running her broken, callused fingers over her tired face. She never thought she'd feel as she did now, like her pieces weren't quite fitting together properly. She figured, at the least, all the shit she's been through would've caught up to her long before now. She had never felt tired or weak or drained, at least not like this before.

 _I'm only human, I guess._ She thought, meekly to herself. She hadn't even thought of herself as something normal, something human. Not since before Eren saved her. And it's not like she was incapable of knowing what people said behind her back. She knew she was stronger than the average person. She knew she killed more titans and people then she cared to admit. Deep down, she had always thought she was some sort of sick form of invincible.

And now, with her stomach churning and her eyes jaded, she sat on small piece of grass, a far distance away from the camp where her friends all lay after the campfire had finally settled out.

Well her friends and Heichou Levi.

She glanced over to them, most of them sleeping, some of them whispering. It was like they were off camping or something instead of thrown in a really fucked up situation. She clenched her hands together, making a tight fist as she stared at the withering smoke of the disappearing fire, her thoughts ringing back to Armin.

He was sleeping, curled up next to a large rock that was up against his back. It was like he was being swaddled by the sharp edges. He looked calm when he was sleeping at least, his breath coming out even and slow. She bit her lip as she looked at him and felt her heart pounding in her ear. Memories of their childhood and the kids they use to be came flooding back into her mind. She didn't know when this happened, when they had all…grown up.

With a deep, shaky breath, she decided not to dwell on the things that that couldn't be changed. Age was but a number now to all of them. She would never be a kid. She leaned back on the grass, her forearms getting patterns cut into them from the uncut, unloved weeds that poked at her.

She closed her eyes for a moment; taking a deep breath and letting it fill in her lungs, before lifting her head and flashing open her eyes, settling nicely in on the stars around her. She took her hands and lifted them, cupping them around her eyes so she cut off everything but the stars. It was like she floating in space, where there was nothing but her body and the billions of floating lights. She rarely had a moment by her lonesome anymore and she was honestly glad that she didn't. If she was alone too long, Eren's face would creep into her mind and her heart would clench and her fingers would shake and she'd remember that life without him sucks. It also made her angry and that was definitely one thing she didn't need to be more of. Especially since she was plenty pissed off at the idiot they called Heichou.

For the majority of the night, between looking _out_ Armin and looking _after_ for Armin, she was mulling over how Heichou so easily brushed off what Armin had done. And worse, what he had said to him. She was fuming hours after and was honestly still doing it now. She understood hiding your emotions, her and Levi were pretty even on that front. But brushing it off as if it was okay to take a human beings life, and acting like a heartless bastard…that was something else. Although, she really didn't know why she was entirely surprised, especially since he had always been like this.

She removed her hands from her head, letting the environment around her in again. The smoke, the shitty tents, the trees burst into her vision. She sighed, standing up from her position on the ground. She didn't know who was keeping watch at this point. It didn't really matter anyway. She hated sleeping and she preferred to protect rather than be protected. She got a few hours at the most and lately, less. Her brain was so overtired, that it was in hyper drive and she felt way too energetic for how shitty she was feeling.

After all the recent events that had taken place, it was a good thing. It kept her on her toes.

She dusted her white pants off, getting all the rocks and dirt off as best as she could, her sword limply hanging from her holster around her waist and stretched her back out. Hearing a few cracks come out of it, but nothing new. She took off towards the camp again, feeling the need to stay near Armin just in case he had nightmares, like she had many nights after her first kill.

If she hadn't had Eren, she didn't know where she would've been. Mikasa wanted to be what Eren was to her for Armin. She got a bit closer to the camp but stopped walking when she heard footsteps behind her.

"What are you doing, brat?"

Mikasa's ears perked up and she practically growled at her leader. Levi raised an eyebrow at this predator like stance she had currently taken over. He stood behind her, as if appearing out of nothing, his presence igniting furious rage throughout her. She clenched her hands and spun around to face him, eyes fierce and body tense.

"What's your problem?" He snickered, boredom fuming throughout his voice. His eyes stayed straight, almost as if looking through her and his body was the complete opposite of her tense, stiff one.

She ignored his question, glaring at him with her infamous dead eyes.

Levi raised his eyebrow again, only peeking at a deeper interest. He eventually gave up caring while she continued to stare him down, her stance never wavering and his question never answered.

"I asked you something, Ackerman."

She scowled at the use of authority he pushed on her and said, "Didn't think I had to answer to swine."

Levi didn't look appalled at her blatant insult. Nor did he look surprised or concerned or hurt. He just looked like Levi and perhaps that was the most frustrating thing about it.

"Swine? You've broaden your vocabulary," his monotone voice causing her veins to quiver with fury.

"How dare you talk to Armin like that," she begun, ignoring his return and taking a big step towards him, her hand pointed towards her sleeping friend who was still a fair distance away.

Now Levi couldn't help but act a teensy bit surprised. He didn't expect this to be where it was headed and it took him a millisecond to fall and regain his composure.

"Didn't you already scold me for this? And I believe I'm the commanding officer. I'm the only one with authority who can talk to my subordinates like that."

Mikasa shook her head and scoffed. "You scared him half to death. Worse than he already was." She said, pointing a finger at his chest and gently nudging him. He didn't budge a bit.

"Ackerman, watch yourself."

She barely heard him say that, the blood was pumping in her ears

"He's not ready for this kind of bullshit," her mind wandering to the night where she killed and how unprepared she was for it.

"Ackerman…"

But she continued, ignoring him.

"You had no right, you insufferable-"

"How was the little pubescent punk going to learn? Hm? He was bound to kill eventually; this was just the starting point," Levi cut her off with a step towards her, silencing her with his overpowering voice.

Mikasa shook her head, her body now overcome with heaps adrenaline and overtiredness and delirium.

"You're a bastard," she whispered, not backing away from his muscular body pushing towards her. She wasn't afraid of him like everyone else was. She wouldn't cower down.

Levi moved his shoulder in what seemed to be a shrug. "Dead is dead. He will get over it."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. He was completely missing any point she was trying to make. It would've been easier to have a conversation with a titan.

"You can't just bully people into thinking like you."

Levi stared at her, his eyes pouring into hers, "You're vocal tonight."

"I like to stand up for my friends."

"Enough Ackerman," he muttered, running a hand through his hair, seemingly done with the conversation. "Get back to camp."

She shook her head, almost in disbelief, "No."

Levi rolled his eyes and said, "You're not fooling anybody. You're tired as fuck and need to have a long sleep."

"Do you have any feelings at all?" She muttered, ignoring his previous statement. "Just when I think I've come to respect you, you turn around and shove it in everybody's face."

He paused for a mere second, but Mikasa took note of it. She watched as he racked his brain to try and come up with something to say back to her. Maybe it was because he'd only known violence as a way to get respect and the fact that it wasn't working on her frustrated him.

"You're opinion means nothing to me, nor will it ever brat. Get. To. Camp."

After a silence that was plausibly deafening, she shut her mouth clenching her fist and turning her back to him, preparing to walk away before she did something she'd regret. And she would have, she really would have…if he had just kept his damn mouth shut.

"We're not going to get Eren back if you don't get you shit together."

And then Mikasa, in all her glory, punched Levi square in the jaw.

She didn't even know why that made her snap. Maybe because he mentioned Eren and maybe because she didn't like how he noticed how messed up she was currently acting.

He staggered back only a few steps, his head barely making a move to the side as her fist crashed against his face. Her raven hair whipped around her face, clouding her vision just long enough for him to react and return his fist straight to her face. She felt her jaw click, pain searing through her face and her body spun around, with her back now towards him.

She opened her mouth, moving her jaw back and forth to make sure it wasn't dislocated.

"Enough," he said, his voice completely the same. But she definitely hadn't but had enough. Mikasa spit out the blood that was forming in her mouth, turning back around to face him again. She could see that she did, in fact, inflict some damage to him. His cheek was red in the exact spot she had hit and she was grateful for that at least. She was stronger but it was general knowledge that Levi was a bit stronger. She clenched her fist, trying to be as fast as possible to bring it back up to his face and hit him again, but he was ready. He was just as fast as she thought he would be and when he grabbed her hand to stop the punch, she lifted her leg and slammed down on his foot.

He let go of her hand in surprise but immediately grabbed her waist, spinning her roughly so she was back to him once again, but his chest pressed directly into her. He held her in place, his body constrained against hers.

He bent his head down and pressed his lips to her ear.

"What are you aiming to achieve?"

"Let go," she growled, wondering why her body was suddenly feeling warmer.

"You need to calm down," his bored voice whispered.

She needed a way to make him let go and did the first thing that came to mine. She pressed her lower body into his, hoping to push herself off of his to achieve speed and strength, using him as a boost. Quite the opposite happened and when she went to bounce off of his body, he let out a low hiss, just loud enough for her close ears to hear, and gripped her waist ten times harder. Like he was using her as leverage. She turned her head to see his hanging down, eyes closed as if trying to compose himself.

 _What did I do?_ Mikasa wondered.

"Don't be smart, Ackerman," he eventually said, dropping his hand and taking a step back from her after a few moments of silence. She was curious as to what he was referring to and even more curious as to his sudden resistance to touch her.

Levi took another step back, wincing at the pain in his foot and turning his back away from her, wanting to have her sleep so he could take watch. She was being difficult today and he knew it was because she hadn't had a resting moment. Even he had had more sleep than she did and that was saying something. She constantly wanted to keep watch and lookout for any signs of Eren. Typical.

And he didn't like when she of all people was emotional like this. It worried him for the rest of the group's state. They all looked up to her, whether they wanted to admit it or not. She was the rock and he'd be damned if he let her break apart.

Turning back to her he said, "Go to sleep Ackerman. Your rage fest is over."

But she was so sick of him telling her what to do and so sick of not being able to hurt him enough. She huffed and stomped over to him, not caring that she was acting like a child and gave him a hard push, sticking her leg out to trip him as she did. It was a cheap shot, but she figured surprise was the best way to get him. He fell to the ground with a thud, but not before taking her down with him, He got ahold of her shirt and she yelped as she fell, landing on top of the his body.

She lifted her head with a groan, her jaw feeling even more sore as it she hit it against his hard chest. She shook her head; trying to rid herself of any pain and came to realization that she was lying on top of him. Her body was matched perfectly up with his, chest to chest, her legs on either side of his own. She pushed herself up with her elbows, not quite having the strength to push her whole body up, and widened her eyes as she realized how close his face was too hers.

His hair was disheveled from tripping and it landed in his eyes, which he didn't seem to notice but it seemed to be the only thing she could look at. Distracted her from how close his eyes, lips, nose, cheeks, breath, _god_ everything, was.

"Are you going to get up?" He said after a moment of trying to flip his hair out of his eyes. She had been so caught up in staring that she forgot what was happening around her. She did have him trapped so unless he pushed her off of him, they were stuck while she regained her composure.

She made a small sound as tried to lift herself off the ground, her body slightly weakened. Instead of her arms lifting her up, they lifted her sideways and she didn't want to fall on her face, so she used her legs to sit up instead, straddling him. She took a breath for a moment and sat down, not thinking anything of it.

" _Jesus…"_ A voice whispered and it took Mikasa a bit to see that it had, in fact, come from Levi. She sat up in surprise as she felt a hardness form between her legs and her eyes widened, embarrassed. She lifted her butt so it no longer rested in his lap and she blushed furiously, slowly beginning to realize what was happening.

"Get off," he said again, his voice having a bit of a strain in it.

But she didn't, she just stared at him blankly. So curious to see such a composed man in such a vulnerable state.

"Ackerman…" He said, his hands clearly clenched in tension and he was practically pleading.

And then she was tired of hearing his voice, so she bravely sat down again on his lap, shutting him up. His eyes shot closed as she did so, his hands grabbing his shirt now, turning the knuckles white. She thought the shirt was going to rip at how hard he was clutching it.

She didn't move, didn't do anything but sit. His eyes eventually opened back up, finding their way to hers and her heart lurched, feeling stupid for what she just did.

This was her captain, she hated him, she hated him, she hated him, she hated him…

"Ackerman," he said again, for the hundredth time, snapping her out of her daze. Her name starting to sound like a warning on his lips.

"What?" she said, finally answering him, egging him on through her blush.

But he didn't have anything else to say because she lifted herself up and brought herself down once again, silencing him. His head hit the back of the ground, a groan coming out of his mouth as she pressed into his hardness with more force. And this time, there was a chill sent through her body as she came into contact with him. She gasped, not expecting that and dropped her hands on either side of his face, so she was now leaning forward with their bodies still in contact.

She'd never felt something like that and by gods she wanted to again. She kept her upper body where it was, his chest on hers, eyes matched up, breath equally uneven. Her eyes were closed, not sure about making eye contact with him and if it would be awkward or not. She decided on not, and slowly opened her eyes, thinking if she going to commit to whatever she was doing, she might as well be a woman about it.

His eyes were staring directly into hers, his black seeping into her grey. They didn't say anything, didn't really need to. It was past that now.

She lifted her hips, again and repeated the movement giving her body a rhythm to continue, but keeping her upper torso near his. She came down slowly on his groin, giving enough pressure to have him take a deep breath in.

"Shit…" he whispered, his hand trailing up to her waist without thinking about it. She repeated the notion, and he held her hips, helping guide her along to hit the right places on him and her. His hands wrapped in her shirt, clutching at it like it was the only piece of air he'd ever have. He made his way to the skin underneath the shirt, much like before and she stopped moving, letting herself feel the way his fingers played with her skin and enjoying it way too much. He trailed her fingers up, dancing along her skin as they made their way up her stomach.

It scared her.

"Stop," she whispered, as much as her voice didn't want to say it. This was Levi, Levi was working his way up her body, making her feel something she had never felt. She loathes him…it's LEVI.

He immediately did stop, granting her request, but looking up at her in his sarcastic way. He obviously didn't understand what was running through her head and so he just glared at her.

"What?" She growled, feeling irritated once again, and sat up again so her face was away from his.

"You can give it but can't take it?"

"What does that mean?" She muttered, her face growing warm with anger.

"Jesus, Mikasa, you don't know anything about this shit."

As he said that, he hooked one hand behind her waist, holding on tight, and in one swift motion spun her around so she was on her back, her legs still wrapped around his waist, her head hitting gently against the ground at the same time he pushed himself against her. She groaned, not sure if it was from the pain or the pleasure.

He pushed her knees up so her legs were up and around him, giving him more access to do whatever he was going to do. The hardness so apparent now through his strained pants and she almost laughed at the whole situation.

 _I've actually given him a hard on._ She thought to herself, scoffing at the fact that Levi could feel something, even something sexually, for another person.

He put his head down; right on top of her face, his nose brushing hers, their breath mixing together and she could no longer focus on her silly thoughts. Not on whom he was or what he's been like. She could focus on his smell, how his eye lashes were longer than she had thought how his small eyes seemed larger than life and deeper than the sea.

He leaned forward, his lips hovering directly over hers and even she knew what was coming next. She shook her head as he got closer to her and he stopped mid-way.

"Don't…don't kiss me," she whispered, turning her head to the side to keep her distance from his lips. Her first kiss…that was not for him….it would never be. It was always for Eren and she intended to keep it that way.

He smiled, showing all of his perfect white teeth. "Too intimate, huh? With your legs already wrapped around my waist?"

"Don't be an asshole," She muttered, hating how she knew he was right. This was already too intimate. He smiled again and Mikasa was almost lost in it, wondering if that was the first time she had ever seen him smile…especially twice in a row.

"Can't help but be an asshole. It's how I've always been," he whispered, as if that was any excuse for the Armin situation.

"A tiger doesn't change his stripes?"

She was trying to pick a fight again and he knew that, but he was tired of playing.

"Not for anyone."

He positioned himself properly in front of her body to show that he wasn't here to talk, slowly grinding himself against her middle. Her eyes flicked closed as the pleasure of his movement tore through her and she hated how weak she felt with her body having a mind of its own. She could barely keep her eyes open much less argue with him when he did that.

"Sto-stop," she said, trying to steady her voice, not putting any real belief into her words.

"I will if you want me too." He said, rubbing his hips into hers again, causing just the reaction he was looking for. He used his left hand to keep himself propped up to look at her while his other hand slowly made its way to underneath her thigh, keeping it lifted up around him and causing more friction between them.

"I've just…never….dammnit," She began, trying to compose herself through every touch he gave her.

"You've never done this before?" Levi said, actually looking surprised. "Not with the brat?"

Mikasa stomach churned at the mention of Eren, moving her eyes from Levi's to focus on the ground beside her. "Don't call him a brat."

Levi shook his head, wondering what she saw in him.

"So what, you're just going to give it to me right here? In the middle of some shitty fucking forest? Romantic enough?"

"Yeah, because I'm all about romance," she growled at him, thinking that he should at least know her better than _that._ "It's my body, _Heichou_. I can do what I want with it."

"Of course you can. Not the point I was trying to make, Ackerman. You're beloved Eren should be settled in between these thighs instead, ne?" he said, grabbing her thigh harder, in a teasing way, making her forget the conversation for a moment.

"I'm a big girl. What we are doing has nothing to do with feelings."

He raised an eyebrow, gently leaning his head down to her ear, nipping the end of it. "But I'm sure I'll be able to make you feel something." He said to her, the assurance in his voice made her clutch at his shirt, grasping it into her hands with a shudder.

He picked up his rhythm again, pushing himself into her over and over again, rubbing all the right places on his and her body. She let out a small groan as their hips pressed together, widening her legs for him.

"See?" He whispered.

"Stop talk-ING" She began to say, but her voice faltered as she did so. Even through the pile of clothes that separated them, she could feel every part of him.

This effect he was having on her was something so different. She felt brave, courageous, a different kind from what she usually felt. She wanted to continue to feel everything this man was willing to give. His head was now resting on the nape of her neck, her legs around him and she clutched her arms around his body.

"Take this off," she said to him, pulling off his shirt. He didn't argue, it wasn't the first time he'd been shirtless in front of her. It wasn't like they had separate sleeping arrangements in the middle of the woods.

He used one hand to swiftly whip the top off, throwing it onto the dirty floor. She did the same, untangling her legs from his waist, arching her back to slid her shirt off of her body and toss it towards the same place he did. She left her legs down now, having him rest in between her instead.

They both stopped moving, taking in the other persons form. Mikasa didn't have anything fancy to wear; she barely had enough clothes to fight in. She wore a simple white bra, the only one she's ever really owned without having to borrow someone in the squads. Levi's eyes widened as he saw her. He'd always seen her working out, usually in a sports bra and pants . It wasn't like he'd never seen her like this before. But in these circumstances, it was like he was noticing her from the first time. His eyes wondered down her beautiful body, trailing over her muscles and breasts and skin and scars.

…Mostly her scars.

He was totally okay with taking her right here on the dirty ground and not thinking twice about it. That was just the kind of guy he pretended to be and the standards he set for himself were ones he had to live by. He had all the intentions to do so right now, it was just sex.

But then…he saw her broken, bruised marks that covered majority of her body. Some were healed, some were scabbed and some were recent.

But one in particular caught his attention, directly in the middle of her breasts. It was a long scar, but very faded. Something he wouldn't have really noticed if he hadn't been looking. It was something that was easily hidden from anybody she didn't want to show, unless, of course, they were in this current situation. He lifted his hand, his eyes never leaving the scar, and gently touched his fingertips right on the top of the pinkish cut. She winced, like it was a reflex and her hand shot out, grabbing his fingers to stop him. He didn't move, just let her work out whatever was going on through her brain until she was ready to move on.

"Go ahead," she whispered, her mouth letting out a deep breath, her eyes on his face only.

He nodded, trailing his hand over the scar from top to bottom, making sure to feel every bump along the way. He didn't know where she got this one from, but it stood out to him. It was old. Older than any time she would've been part of the legion. She was a child when she got this and perhaps that spoke to him louder than any of her other scars.

And suddenly, this whole situation had a whole different meaning.

He leaned his mouth down, remembering her request not to kiss her mouth, and gently pressed his lips on top of the scar. Her head hit the back of the ground as his lips touched her, feeling like her body was set aflame and she would never be extinguished.

She ran a hand up into his half shaved mess of hair, clutching at the strands while he kissed her body and she thought there was nothing that could ever be as satisfying as seeing Levi do this to her. He gently licked her and kissed her and she thought she'd explode if this went any further. He trailed down her stomach, reaching just above the rim of her pants.

His eyes shot up, looking at her for permission. She nodded swiftly, ready for him to do just about anything to her. He reached his hands up, popping open the top button of her pants. She helped him out by lifting herself off the ground so he could shuffle the pants down her legs. She kicked them off of her ankles, trying not to seem eager but he smiled (again) anyway, seeing how curious she was.

She lay in her underwear and bra now, feeling exposed but protected. It was such a weird thing to be.

"Jesus. You're…" _Beautiful._ But he couldn't say the words. It would be very un-levi like. He did have a persona to keep up after all.

She bit her lip, trying to pretend it was nothing…like she wasn't lying half naked with her Heichou hovering over her, like she wasn't about to explode from sexual tension.

"What's wrong?" She eventually asked, having him stare at her body for longer than expected.

He shook his head, bringing his body back up to settle his hips in between her legs so he could talk to her, "nothing…I'm just…I get it."

"Get what?" She asked, confused.

"Eren has something to do with that scar, right? That's why he means so much to you."

Mikasa bit her lip, not sure where to continue this conversation or if she even wanted to head down the path. She thought about that day more often than not, it being the only reason she was still willing to risk her life. To save him, always, like he saved her.

"I remember…at Eren's trial. They said something about you two killing some asshole bandits. True?"

She looked at him, not giving a straight forward response but figuring he already knew the answer.

"How old were you?"

"Does it matter?" She said quietly.

"Yeah," he responded.

She rolled her eyes, hating how the mood was being ruined. "Heichou…"

"Just tell me."

"…Nine." She whispered softly.

His eyes mixed into hers again and she felt like he could practically see the situation play out from her eyes to his. He didn't say anything, just drew in a sharp breath and shook his head lightly, almost in disbelief. The more he looked at her, the more she was able to finally read him, realizing now more than ever how he spoke the same language she did. He had obviously gone through something similar as a child, something fucked up enough to make him the way he was. The way she was.

"They give you that?" He said, nodding towards her scar. He already knew the answer but she nodded anyway, hoping to get away from this subject as quick as possible.

"I had no control."

Levi sighed deeply, his position in between her legs becoming a resting place and he relaxed himself into her body.

"But you killed them. You had control."

"Only until….until Eren showed me how. I was powerless and he gave me that control…And I…Heichou, why are we talking about this?"

Levi sighed, not wanting to get all sentimental over this. "You're not what I expected. Especially after knowing you for however long it's fucking been…You've been insubordinate, reckless at times, brave, strong…but I never understood why. Why it's always been for him."

She cast her eyes to the ground beside her.

"You've come a long way, I'll give you that. But just the mention of his damn name caused you to strike me."

"You did deserve it," she muttered.

"Ah yes…another thing. Arlert's killing had you in tangles as well. Because you know what it's like to kill humans? Is that it?"

"Why does this matter?"

"…Because this war is bigger than you, Mikasa."

Her eyes flew to his when he used her name, flashing anger yet surprise to him. His own eyes remained stern, as if proving a point by crossing that boundary. "I'm not a stupid. I know this is bigger than me or Eren or Armin. I'm not a child."

"Then stop acting like it."

She was fuming at this point, her face turning red from the anger that was swelling inside her. She tried so hard to hide how childish she felt at times and it bothered her immensely that he could see everything she wanted to keep hidden.

But she wasn't a damn child; she wasn't a little helpless girl who worried about her friends all the time, as least not anymore. She was a warrior like him, he's equal. And she would damn well prove it. With a deep sigh, she reached up and grabbed the back of his neck, bringing his face down to hers so he was hovering as close as he had been the entire night.

"Fuck you," she whispered as quiet as she possibly could. Levi stared at her, eyes widening at the pressure of her hands on his neck, her breath slowly spreading over his skin, her lips anticipating something greater than what she was settling for.

And before he could remind her of their promise, she pulled his head down to close the last millimeter of space, roughly taking his lips onto her own.

His lips were rigid at first, trying to see if this she was going to pull away and come to her damn senses before it was too late. Levi knew there would be a point where there was no turning back and they were slowly creeping up on it. But she didn't and he relaxed his body, molding his mouth properly onto hers when he realized she was as into this. She wasn't expecting him to taste that sweet, it didn't really match his personality, but as soon as he opened his mouth and let her in more, it was like candy.

He broke this for a minute, wanting to get a look at her face. Her eyes were closed, lips just the right amount of pink and he couldn't help but go back for a second time, the want, the need was almost too much for him. She was soft but urgent, he was calm but frantic. It was a mess, they were a mess.

He reached up to caress her cheek as his teeth began to take her bottom lip into his mouth. He sucked on it gently, keeping his thumb trailing across her face, leaving a red mark across her pale skin. She gasped into his mouth and he let go of her lip with a snap, their eyes opened and melted into the other persons. The lust, the greed, never falling from their irises and they wanted each other so badly, in this moment, more than anything in the world.

There was no difference between need and want, and they both knew that. They equally needed it to be each other; there had never been any alternative. As they looked into each other, through the memories of the other faded human, their lives slowly shifted to become one. There was no beginning or middle or end. There was only a now.

Their pasts didn't matter, nor their childhoods, their pain or their sorrow. It's like they were standing in front of a mirror, constantly trying to change them inside and out, in order to be wanted and accepted and strong and courageous.

They hadn't kissed for a few seconds; they had just been staring at each other, as if figuring out where a piece of their broken soul had ended up. Mikasa's eyebrows were raised, her fingers lifting to trail her hands over Levi's face, like a blind person trying to feel out their lover, trying to memorize every inch of their face without ever seeing it.

Her fingers trailed to his mouth, the usual rough and thin lips now puffy and red, practically calling out for her again. She didn't say anything, just kept staring at his hovering face. He smiled, her fingers molding over it, and he kissed her fingers. She smiled, taking her hand away from his mouth so she could capture it with her own.

In midst of their third kiss, he reached his hand up, trailing it gently on the bottom of her stomach, just before her underwear line. Her arm was filled with goosebumps and he could practically feel the heat of her through the tiny fabric of her panties. He didn't break his mouth off of hers, afraid he would die if he did, and slowly moved his hand so it lay inside of her underwear.

She moaned into his mouth as his fingers played with the nerves of her clit, her stomach seizing and she arched her back, pressing into his hand. He smiled, her lips quivering as he repeated the action.

"Holy shit," she whispered, swallowing as her mouth was becoming dry. She clung tighter to him as he brushed his thumb along it again, slowly probing open her slit with his fingers.

"Tell me if it hurts," he whispered, his eyes focused solely on her thick, puffy lips.

She barely could lift her head to nod in agreement and simply spread her legs more, trying to be of some help. Levi grinned with a cocky satisfaction at seeing her do so and proceeded with his fingers entering her. He slowly put a single finger in, analyzing her face for pain levels, which she of course showed nothing.

Well, nothing except a simplistic ecstasy.

Letting her get used to his finger, he moved it around, stretching out her inside as best as he could do to prepare her. He, agonizingly slow, took his finger out of her just to slam it back in again, hitting a sweet spot in her. She took a deep breath in and he figured she liked it, so repeated the movement.

"You can put in another. I won't break," she whispered, her hand trailing along his shoulders, leaving a trail of red marks.

He obliged, pushing his second finger into her. She remained silent, her teeth gnawing on the bottom of her lip and she had her eyes shut.

"You okay?"

She nodded, practically drawing blood from how hard she was biting her lip. He swept his head down and neatly kissed her, her mouth relaxing when he did so and she became accustomed to both his lips and his fingers.

He pulled his head back and repeated the same thrusting movement with his finger, brushing his thumb on her bundle of nerves again to mask any pain she was feeling with it. She licked her lips (which he almost came just from seeing that) and began rocking against his hand.

"Fuck," she whispered, her pulse unhinged as he continued to finger fuck her, hitting the same sensitive spot each time. He kept his eyes on her face, loving the way she looked as he did this to her, as he made her vulnerable and passionate.

"I want you to fuck me," she said and his ears perked up. He hadn't realized how much he needed those words to leave her mouth before, how much he wanted her permission.

"If you're sure," he said, taking out his fingers to steady her body.

 _Please be sure, please be sure._

"Mhmm," she said, the obvious state of how turned on she was should've been an answer in itself. He nodded, standing up to have a better angle to take off his pants and boxers, and she slid her ass up, desperate to finally remove her panties.

He angled himself in between her open thighs, her wetness providing an innocent lubricant for him to enter into her. He stopped at her entrance, casting his eyes her way one more time before gently pushing himself into her, slowly.

She withered underneath him, her head turned to where his forearms were holding him up and she bit down on his bicep, trying to rid herself of the pain. He was definitely bigger than his damn fingers.

"Jesus, you like to bite," he whispered, only half inside of her.

"If you're dick wasn't so a big I wouldn't have too," she retorted, not really sure if it was coming off as the insult she wanted it too.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No, Jesus, no. Just let me get used to it."

Levi smirked, "take your time. I'll just be here."

She said nothing, just moved her hips upwards in a fast motion, taking all of him in before he had any say in the matter. Like a band aid. He gasped out of surprise and pleasure and concern. He tried to ignore how good it felt to be in her and focus on if she was okay.

Her eyes were closed, squinted in a pain like fashion, but she said nothing. Her breath was unsteady, but she was still silent. It unnerved him, seeing as how vocal she had been all night and he wanted her to kick him or scream at him or…well anything really. It was eerie.

"Ackerman?"

 _Heart beat._

"Mikasa? You okay?"

Her eyes continued to stay shut, her head placed gently on the ground, looking to the left. He thought about pulling out, seeing how much pain it was truly causing her, and when he went to do so, she grabbed his forearm.

"No…it's just…I feel…"

"Feel what?"

"My heart…" she said in a tiny whisper, her fingers moving upwards to clutch at her left breast.

She didn't need to say anything after that. He didn't want her too. He just bent his head down towards hers, nudging her nose with his and he placed a gently kiss on her lips.

"Ready?"

She nodded and in one big movement, he slowly pulled himself out of her, waiting a second before slowing pushing into her again. He could feel her opening up the more times he repeated this motion and it wasn't long before her unsteady breaths were coming out as even gasps.

He continued to thrust in now, a faster and faster pace. His grunts and her groans were mixing in with the chill air. Mikasa's hands were everywhere on his body, wherever she could rest them, grabbing onto his skin like it was the last little slice of air. She had all of him, just as he now fully had all of her. And between the moans and sweat and lust, there was something deeper that neither would touch upon. Something that needed to remain buried no matter how badly they wanted to dig it back up.

His thrust became more frantic now. Every now and again, he would brush against her clit, causing her to go frantic.

"Fuck….fuck…I can't…hold…" She muttered, trying to form a coherent though while he pounded into her, wanting to feel nothing but him.

"Mhm," he said into her ear, driving his body into hers to keep her going, to get her to cum. He could feel that he was close too, but he rather she finish them him.

Mikasa could feel it building up in her stomach, the tension that needed release. And she wanted him to feel that with her, feel it together. So she moved her hands slowly from his back and trailed them down towards his ass, pushing him further into her with every thrust.

"Come on," she whispered, "let go."

And just like that, the climax built around them exploded. Mikasa breath hitched and she clutched onto him, hugging him towards her as he shuddered, trying to keep his arm muscles holding himself up off of her. He spilled into her and she wrapped her legs around his hips, holding him until they both finished. He moved his forehead from her shoulder onto her own head, sweat mixing together.

All that was left was heavy breathing. His eyes opened slowly, while hers remained shut and with a gentle kiss to her nose, he pulled completely out of her, rolling over to his back.

 _She's exhausted._

Levi looked down at the now half sleeping girl who was completely worn out from it all, smiled (but only to himself) and got onto his feet. He gathered his clothes, roughly shoving on whatever he could to make sure he wasn't naked anymore and grabbed Mikasa's.

"Come on. Get dressed."

Her eyes half fluttered open, her breath still not proper, and nodded, grabbing the shirt out of his hands and putting it on herself as best as she could. She did the same with her pants and collapsed onto the ground again, not really caring if she slept right here. She was just too damn tired.

It took her a few minutes to actually realize her body was no longer on the ground once Levi came towards her and lifted her up. His hands grabbed underneath her knees and her head lopped onto his shoulder. She was light and fit into his arms better than he would've liked.

"Ackerman…" He said, hoping she was still conscious enough to hear what he was about to say. It was important and he needed her to be alert. Her body shuffled in his hands and he looked down to see her nodding.

"This can never happen again. You know that, right?"

She was still for a moment, her eyes shut still. It took her a few minutes to get to the state where she was okay with forgetting whatever went down between them. Any touching, kissing, loving, it wasn't good. It wasn't appropriate. It wasn't them.

So, she shut herself off. Any emotion she had for him was sucked back in and she was back to being the robot. The Levi-hater. The solider.

"I know."

Levi breathed, whether it was a sigh of relief of sadness was unbeknownst to both of them and he clutched her a little bit tighter, knowing it was probably the last time he'd have her in his arms.

They had a silent walk back to the camp and he settled for a place right beside Armin, gently putting her down next to him. Her eyes flew opened when she was on the ground, getting one last look at him before sleep finally overtook her.

He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips. So quick that she thought she might have imagined it and turned around to walk across the camp, to keep watch.

"We'll find Eren…" Levi said, his back towards her and his frame disappearing into the darkness. "I promise."

And just like that, sleep became her only friend.


End file.
